Sunday, 7 March 2010

Not so Alone... and changes.

After being so bleh and down last night, I started my day today with the intention to be aware of every act of friendship that came my way, and I'm feeling a lot better for it. I have good friends. Wonderful, lovely people who care about me, and who I adore.

I came to a realisation yesterday and today... it's all very well complaining about Facebook-style socialising (and I've got a whoole lotta rants on that subject right now), but I have to actually do something about changing the way I relate with people. I'm changing things in every other part of my life, it's obvious that this area needs revamping as well.

From now on I'm going to begin phasing Facebook out of my modes of communication. I hate the casual "Meh, well, you'll be on Facebook if I ever feel like talking to you again," attitude it gives to a "friendship". It spawns the kind of friends that "poke" you every month or two; not say anything to you, just poke. It feels like someone's standing very far away with a long stick, prodding and going, "Hmm, still alive over there?" not like they really care... more like a kid poking at roadkill out of curiosity.

Hmm, wow, okay, I appear to be feeling rather vicious towards Facebook tonight! All I wanted to say, is that I plan to begin re-building (or building up in the first place) real communication with my friends. I will text instead of sending a facebook message, or writing on a wall. Or I will actually pick up a phone, like off of the olden days. Today I bought a book of stamps and plan to go through my ridiculously huge collection of unsent cards, and actually send some. And as for the friends I miss and have been losing touch with, I will be making an effort to re-connect.

I think this has been me hitting a speed-bump in this whole change malarky. The thing is, as much as I'm exhilarated by the feeling of making changes in my life (as opposed to having the changes made for me) and feeling like I'm actually making things happen for myself..... the fact still remains that I'm terrified by change. I hate it. It's scary! I want to hide under the bed until it's all over.

I agree with what Lilly said in her comment on my last post. I think I'm just having my life cleared of people who are no longer right for me. Instead of being upset by it, I can focus on the people who are still big in my life and important to me, and look out for the amazing new people who will fit perfectly into the new, bright and bold life I'm gradually creating for myself. It's all just an extension of last year's Release. I can do that.

*deep breath*

All fine.

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