Saturday, 27 February 2010

The one left behind...

Yesterday was about good changes.
Today was sad for me, changes that I don't like.

Over the past few months so many people have left where I work, finding other jobs, new projects, moving away. Where once there were crowds of friends who'd known each other for years, joking and playing as they worked, there are now new people. Some of them are lovely, but I miss the family we had and things being how they were. I miss everyone so much. Today the last couple people from the "olden days" were off sick or on holiday, and it was my manager's last weekend day before he moves to another store. It feels so empty now.

At least I've been given a good kick out of the rut where I trundled along so comfortably. This year is my year to step into what I want to do with my life, this just takes away one more excuse to procrastinate. I'll continue to work, I'll miss my friends, I'll make new friends to fill some of the gaping holes... but in my own time there can be no more idling away doing nothing, otherwise where do I end up? Selling someone else's products for the rest of my life. No thank you.

Friday, 26 February 2010

Forward, onward, upward.

Since finally surrendering to my Word of the Year, I've been working on Dare all of this month. I find it incredible how one little word, once you let it, can get under your skin so completely. Through Dare-tinted glasses, everything looks different. While I'm still finding it terrifying to step out of my comfort zone, it no longer feels like an option to not do so.

When I think of taking action and think, "But what if..." I'm developing the ability to stop and say, "But what if I don't. What then? What do I gain?" The answer is almost always, "Nothing new." I'm becoming able to ignore the groans and creaks of resistance and take small steps forward. Little steps, one at a time.

This is all fairly vague today, I apologise. I want so badly to blurt out all my lovely plans and ideas, and more importantly, the things I've actually started doing to make them happen. But as much as I'm Daring right now, I'm still petrified of falling flat on my face and am not quiiite ready to say too much just yet. I'm just thrilled at the changes I can see in the ways that I'm thinking and acting and wanted to let loose a little squeak of excitement.

Now that I'm moving forward, things feel like they're beginning to finally start clicking into place around me. And this is in only about three weeks, I have the whole of the rest of the year to keep Daring onwards and upwards.

Sunday, 21 February 2010

Candytree and Power Failure - or, making videos once more.

Isn't it amazing how mixed up your days and nights become when you miss a night of sleep? I'm not entirely sure what day it is anymore. My calendar tells me it's a Sunday... my brain doesn't know what to think.

Friday night I spent the entire night helping on a music video shoot for a friend from uni. It's my first time working with him on one of his own projects, and it was a lot of fun. The video is for a band called Candytree and a song called Power Failure. We had fun playing with every kind of light we could get hold of, including a sunset, all the lights of the city, torches, and some fairy lights. Rob is very, very good at what he does and got some fantastic shots. I'm super excited to see the edited piece as soon as it's finished.

The shoot went from 4pm until a little past 5am so that we could film everything in the darkest night without having to worry about changing light. I didn't get home until it was broad daylight again, I fell asleep for a couple hours and then forced myself to get up so I wouldn't go nocturnal. Filming was tiring, and for several hours it was more cold than I ever remember being (an example: our CD player stopped working for a while due to ice in the mechanism), but I enjoyed it thoroughly. There were so many lovely people to meet, sets to organise, lights to stick colours all over, and music to play/pause/play/pause/play/pause.

This is the first video project I've worked on since finishing uni, it felt so good to get back into it. I've missed making things. I want to keep on making even just tiny little videos to keep from getting rusty. There's something so magical about seeing a finished video and knowing that before you, it didn't exist... to see your ideas develop from words on paper into moving images, characters coming to life on screen. That's what I love most about making videos.

Monday, 15 February 2010

Hey Jude - baby style

Found this while flicking through youtube today and it made me giggle, so I thought I'd share.
How adorable is this kid?!

Friday, 5 February 2010

Back in the land of Dare

Well, after a strong and determined start, I've spent the first month of 2010 in a blogging dead-spell.

The truth is that after announcing all my dramatic intentions for this year, I panicked. I suddenly realised how big and scary the word Dare is for me. Scary like a rollercoaster, or skydiving. With this word I can't hide behind my excuses, I lose procrastination rights in changing the things I don't like about how I'm living my life.

I realised that, if I'm doing it right and making the most of this year, there's no gentle way of easing into Dare. I tried, oh how I tried. I thought of softening it with some "easier" words, words that would let me carry on as I am for a while until I was "ready" to make some changes. But that just felt... I can't describe how fake and awful that was. I need big changes.

Well, I'm finally back in the world of Dare, and all its invigorating, terrifying hugeness. Big thanks to the wonderful Becky, who has made it less terrifying, and has helped stop me shrinking away away from the things I know I have to, and desperately want to do.

This month I'm helping a friend with a music video project, and very much looking to getting back into production mode for the first time since finishing uni. I'm also looking for jobs more suited for what it is that I want to do with my life.

Today I applied to volunteer with the Samaritans to gain some experience. In the longer term I want to take a counselling course, just as soon as I can find a course that suits me and can work out how to afford it. My student financing days are behind me, I have to either fund it myself or find grants or something from organisations.... something something. I don't know yet. (If anyone has any ideas at all I would be thrilled to hear them)

So that's where I'm at. Back being daring.
So scared, so exhilarated.

Waiting to see what each day will bring.