Friday, 5 February 2010

Back in the land of Dare

Well, after a strong and determined start, I've spent the first month of 2010 in a blogging dead-spell.

The truth is that after announcing all my dramatic intentions for this year, I panicked. I suddenly realised how big and scary the word Dare is for me. Scary like a rollercoaster, or skydiving. With this word I can't hide behind my excuses, I lose procrastination rights in changing the things I don't like about how I'm living my life.

I realised that, if I'm doing it right and making the most of this year, there's no gentle way of easing into Dare. I tried, oh how I tried. I thought of softening it with some "easier" words, words that would let me carry on as I am for a while until I was "ready" to make some changes. But that just felt... I can't describe how fake and awful that was. I need big changes.

Well, I'm finally back in the world of Dare, and all its invigorating, terrifying hugeness. Big thanks to the wonderful Becky, who has made it less terrifying, and has helped stop me shrinking away away from the things I know I have to, and desperately want to do.

This month I'm helping a friend with a music video project, and very much looking to getting back into production mode for the first time since finishing uni. I'm also looking for jobs more suited for what it is that I want to do with my life.

Today I applied to volunteer with the Samaritans to gain some experience. In the longer term I want to take a counselling course, just as soon as I can find a course that suits me and can work out how to afford it. My student financing days are behind me, I have to either fund it myself or find grants or something from organisations.... something something. I don't know yet. (If anyone has any ideas at all I would be thrilled to hear them)

So that's where I'm at. Back being daring.
So scared, so exhilarated.

Waiting to see what each day will bring.


becky said...

I'm so glad you're back to blogging! And back to not panicking!

And the next few months are going to be so exciting, hurrah!

Lilly Rose Chen said...

Glad to see you are back! I've missed your posts!!!!!