Thursday, 26 March 2009

The End is Nigh.

Major deadlines are creeping ever closer. Our film has to be made, my dissertation has to be written. People keep telling me that it will be over in a few weeks. They're trying to reassure me, but it makes it all the worse! Once these few weeks are up... what happens?! I have no plans. The world that I've been living in for the past 3 years evaporates. I don't want to get stuck in a rut, working to pay for living somewhere I can't afford. I want to find a job that I love, but I don't even know what I want that to be.

I don't know how I got to where I am now, by hundreds of little nudges from everyone around me as I grew up and made "my" decisions I think... I'm not complaining exactly. At least I had that many people who cared about me enough to give me those nudges. I just want to be more sure about how I make my choices from now on. I want to be sure they're made for the right reasons. I'm not going to take advice on face-value. It has to be right for me.

But I can't worry about all that now. I have no time. I have no time to think, and the less time I have to do everything, the less time I spend actually doing it. I think I'm trying to believe that if I don't do the work the semester won't finish and I won't have to deal with what comes next. This, of course, is a highly flawed idea of how things work.

Time to get back on track.


amjone said...


Have you ever considered becoming a psychologist/ have a great ability to analyze and interpret why you do the things you do - this could be of great help to many others. Plus, you appear to be quite a good listener/conservationist (from your previous post regarding your run-ins with the chatty customers). Plus, if you study this field, you'll have to stay in school longer. :)

Seriously...Best of luck to you at this final stage of your educational career.

Evie.E said...

Hehe thank you! That's a nudge very much in the right direction for me, and one of several from very different directions lately... hmm.

I've very much considered that idea over the past year or so, but keep sighing and putting away the thought because it's so different to what I'm doing now. But I've picked it up again and am examining it veeery closely.

I'd love to work with people, and help people in whatever ways I can. And I seem to end up analysing everyone around me anyway, I might as well do it officially....

becky said...

You should write another blog post I think.

And I agree with the coucilling thing, you should definitely consider it.

I want to know how the dissertation, filming is going, my questions seem to be getting lost in text again! xxx