Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Catching up with myself

I like this picture:

(picture by Utopic-man on deviantART)

It looks a bit like I feel right now. Not sad, or scary. Just shrouded in my own little world. Once I'm done here all the clouds will blow away, revealing a blue, blue sky and fields of glowing daisies, and I'll invite everyone to come and join me. Soon... when I'm ready.

It's been an odd few weeks for me. My dad stopped in London for a couple days on his way between Ukraine and India. We spent an extremely rare afternoon together, musical instrument (I got me a harmonica! I haven't had one since I was about 11. Now to find somewhere faar from any poor listeners to learn to play) and microphone shopping, and then on to St James's Park to sit by the lake and talk. It was nice, very nice actually, but managed to leave me a little shaken in a way that only he manages. It's something about having an outsider's view of your life being given by someone close to you, someone who's in a position to let you know what they see. I kind of.. well. Since our conversation I've been in a bit of an identity crisis, trying to work out how I ended up where I am at this point in time, and not always liking what I determine.

My final year at uni is off to a good start. We have dissertations to plan, video projects to make, work placements to find, lectures and seminars to attend and readings to read. I'm excited about this year, and nervous about what will follow. It's out into the big scary world after graduation. I'm not certain I'm ready to be all grown-up! But I'm determined to be ready when the time comes.

Not too grown-up though. Only as much as necessary.

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